A Poetic Salute to Nummirock 2010

Another year at Nummijärvi,

And this time we’re prepared;

Stocked up last week with boat beer,

Enough that we coulda shared.

We finally made it to the site

Without any major hitches,

And decisively we set up camp –

Lake side forever, bitches!

Kiuas began our night;

The singer’s vibrating jaw impressed,

Their tunes still glued into my mind;

These guys surely perform their best.

Next up on the extended tent stage

Came Korpiklaani a half-hour late;

Though technical failures, and not their fault,

With some “Beer Beer” I had a date.

 Arising still drunk Friday mornin'

This experience here was a sign:

The Nummi way to brush your teeth

Is in a stream of boxed wine.

And out from his tent came a-pukin'

With giant bear growls, Jake's traditional way,

Yet despite his adverse fest reaction,

"Jaakko suosittelee" is all he can say.

The weather was decidedly warmer

Than the year before or before,

So out from the refreshing lake waters

Came naked-assed Finns galore.

For nutrition ‘tween beers I grilled mushrooms

‘stead of typical drunk festival fare,

And for corn I brought sprayable butter;

Can’t believe it?  I swear, it was there.

First band we left camp for was Tarot,

Whose name Finns never pronounce just right,

And while watching the band I was fixated –

Couldn’t let Marco’s split-beard outta sight.

Dark Tranquillity was surely the one band

About which I had come most excited,

And when Mikael sang vulnerably to “ThereIn”,

Me and Jope sang along so delighted.

The high stage was crappy to photograph,

And I just wanted to plunge into the crowd;

Watching the band I used to chug beers with

Was intense, and made me feel proud.

SFU closed the main stage ‘round midnight,

Barnes slaughtered my ears with his “eeeeeeeeeee”;

For his murderous growls he’s a legend,

And his hairy presence was somethin’ to see.

Our week’s most triumphant buddy pictures

Were with drinkers who’d already passed out,

And unlike the pantti-holders at Wacken,

These overloaded metallers, they didn’t shout.

In attempt not to wreak too much havoc,

We returned to the lake side and friends,

And having missed StS so much earlier,

Ossi eats the midnight sun in amends.

Our camp buddies seem so amused by Hitler,

That they heiled more than I’d ever seen,

And when asked why, they’re likely to tell you:

“Koska Saatana Sanoo Niin”.

After having survived the nightless night,

We still had to face the Throes of Dawn,

And despite their quite dreamlike atmosphere,

They didn’t induce a single yawn.

With their heart-crushing rendition of “…Echoes”,

Long-lost tears streamed down from my eyes;

The most touching and honest and beloved gig

Was definitely performed by these guys.

From behind the confines of the Foster’s tent,

And by forested sights surrounded,

Insomnium’s songs epitomized the feeling;

Our hearts weighed down with the sorrow they pounded.

Early headliners Sep hit the stage around six,

And we watched from the sidebar backstage,

And despite low hopes for their now-old new singer,

He attacked the songs like a beast in a cage.

With their surprisingly energized set,

For complaints, they left us no room,

And the fans of the oldies were treated

With “Escape to the Void” and “Troops of Doom”.

Enjoying their Sepulnational anthems,

For their whole gig we there had to stand;

While the drunken Kosti of Sotajumala

Wanted a picture of him watching the band!

While Ossi went to see local grinders Carnalation,

Whose guitarist was styled with emo-hair,

Though he says they played tight and were worthy,

I had better things to do than be there.

I’d been waiting to see Jens Rydén

Since the days when he fronted Naglfar,

But his new burly trucker look and massive chains

Looked much rougher than who Thyrfing are.

Then, beginning their set with “Black Metal”

Is a band we need not introduce;

With their tunes of mayhem without mercy,

Headbanging in the beer tent they managed to induce.

With the night and the fest almost over,

And a box of magazines still remaining,

Our drunkenness being at the optimal level,

It was time for some serious Enslain-ing!